I am so tired, Of this feeling of never being admired, Seeing everyone else with this thing I want so desperately, And having to live without it, each night sleeping restlessly, Because of this pain in my chest of knowing I’ll be alone, So I renounce it, and of my own fate, I will own. My past was full of inner turmoil and misery, And in my future I saw a repeat of my history, It’s like I’m fighting myself to try and stay alive, Chasing after love, painful situations I contrive, Confidence, then self doubt, then my friend’s agony, As they watch the effects that this deathmatch has on me, All the good times that we’ve had I continue to look past cynically, Just because the people I feel something towards look at me pitifully? Why do they suffer just because there is no one out there for me to be close to? So I shall rip out my desire at all costs, even if to it, I must slew. I wanted someone to hold, and to give gifts, To find unexpected ways to make them smile, To forget about the darkness and torture for awhile, But I will cast that out, deep down, into the darkest pits, I will be alone, and I will thrive, Deep into my will, I will dive, Forget the people who stood me up, Forget the people who looked down on me, Forget the voice and visions raising me to the noose I could never scrub from my nightmares, I am here, I am alive, and I will exist, whether or not there is anyone who cares. I overthink, and so I see, the worst possible outcomes there can be, They all have kids and lead happy lives far different from mine, Alone, I create a sea of liquor, and each night ends with me face down in whisky, But with kids, they ask where mommy is, my only answer comes from my tears as I resign, With her, I have it all, and so she takes it, showing me there was truly no one out there, Always preparing to be cheated on, my sanity is hanging by a hair. But now, I carve a broad swath for my own path, And if everyone fades and forgets me, then I will not care, I will not cling and be the cause of someone else’s wrath, And even if the cost is the happiest I can be,I will pay the fare, Find tranquility in what I have, and I will make the loneliness rare.