2016

It hasn’t always been so typical of me to talk about myself, 
When I was a boy the world seemed so bright and prosperous to me.
A month ago I hit 20 years of age cuddled in bed with her, 
Time seems to pass so slowly now and I’m not really as happy as can be. 

You’d have thought by now I’d have found myself and who I really am, 
But to tell you the truth I haven’t felt myself since I was that little boy. 
He had a cheeky grin and bleach blonde hair with bright red cheeks, 
Back then all he knew was love but now he’s grown up and life isn’t so coy. 
 
I’m petrified about my future and where I could end up at. 
I was always told that I had some kind of talent better than all the rest, 
In reality the only talent I possess is to be completely replaceable, 
And even then I think I wouldn’t even be able to pass that simple test. 

I have a lack of confidence plunged deep inside my soul, 
It strikes the flame to my anxiety and prevents me from being who I am. 
So I hide away locked inside my room and write pointless lines, 
About the thoughts inside my head and how I wish I they all gave a damn. 

3 months ago I thought my heart and soul might have been saved, 
A mother at 17 she had been juggling her university course alongside her son, 
She made me feel just like that little boy with the light inside his eyes, 
Like a light switch his eyes have become unlit and life feels as heavy as a tonne. 

We are coming towards the close of this difficult weary year, 
I have been through too much this year and I wish I could relive it from the start. 
I hope and pray that I will find my smile again in 2 weeks time, 
Because the little boy inside myself begs to be free from this caged old heart. 

Tags: sad,