It’s eight ‘o’ clock on Monday morning And a certain someone is on the bus to town It’s the start of another hectic week In the life of Edith Brown At ten she meets her old friend Pam In the Pink Teapot Cafe There'll be tea and cakes waiting for her And as usual Pam won’t let her pay Pam will moan about her husband Fred Who’s the laziest man on earth Ever since she married him He’s been more trouble than he’s worth Edith will listen attentively But she’s cautious to offer advice Pam can be very defensive Sometimes downright nasty to be precise When the tea and cakes are drunk and eaten Edith and Pam go their separate ways No hug as they part company Cos Pam's not keen on public displays Edith goes home and does some ironing Then sits down to watch TV With a cuppa and a plate of digestives On a lap-tray upon her knee When seven-thirty comes around It’s time for Edith to put up her feet With a steaming cup of hot chocolate Watching Coronation Street She goes to bed at ten-thirty And wakes up each day at six After a glass of hot water and lemon Her fried breakfast she will fix Two eggs, two sausages and a slice of fried bread She eats the same thing every day She’s just about due for her cholesterol check Goodness knows what her doctor will say Tuesday is the day she bakes Cakes she’s not supposed to eat She uses guesswork for the measures And ends up with enough cakes to feed the street On Wednesday Edith plays Bridge With some friends she’s known for years Sometimes they play in her sitting room Other times they play in theirs One particular friend called Sally Plays her cards close to her chest She makes up the rules to suit herself Much to the dismay of the rest Whenever she is playing She likes a large glass of gin And when someone has a bit of luck She swears down she's let them win On Thursdays, Edith goes to the market Where there are bargains to be found But the site is on a car-park Where large potholes are profound Many a time she’s almost dislocated Her newly-fitted plastic hip Not looking where she’s going And resulting in a trip The stalls are full of varied things From furniture to lemonade Electrical appliances and ornaments And lots of lamps without a shade Friday afternoons, Edith goes to the cinema To see the latest blockbuster Her favourite film is ‘Son of the Morning Star’ In which Gary Cole played General Custer At the weekend she takes it easy Doing a crossword or reading a book She hopes that no-one needs to contact her Because her phone is off the hook She’s got tired of cold-callers Wanting to know who’s her energy supplier They pestered her so much She felt like disconnecting the telephone wire She’s had a laid-back weekend Now it’s time to go to sleep Before Monday morning comes And the start of another busy week If you pop into the Pink Teapot Cafe When you’re in the town The lady at the table near the window Is the one and only Edith Brown