Not again . But did i expect less

My heart bleeds once again ..
How many more days of pain and unwantedness can this heart take
I try to let you in let you see 
But instead of opening your eyes 
You open a screan ..instead of looking for ways to help inprove your love
You look up desorders that you imagin i have.
Yes i have a disorded only my disorder is loving people who dont love me back.
Living in hope that one day youl care.
You had me covinced its me and only me.
Yet i see i see ...
It is my fault my fault for trusting you yet again .. i feel hatred for my self hatred for not letting go the first time
Ha i thought i was strong i really did .
When in all honisty all i do is inhabit a body of a lady who lived in hope ..
Theres no hope ..hope is a nasty word .
Leaves you with a heart of lies and eyes that cant see ..what is wrong with me ...
I have trusted so many people and out of them all you had me fooled or blinded by my idear of love ..
For years now i feel pathetic ..lost a ghost ... to much damage 
When i think of you i cant even remember that sparkle you had ..that sparkle you faked 
Loves fucking heart brake .. i try as i might . Try and remember good times but more so the bads are over taken im drowning in this hope .
Drowning in this lie .
Why couldent i see .. why did i let hope take control of me .
Now theres not much left other then the reality that love dosent excist not in my life time .. maby the next 
But as far as hope is concernd im done im empty im lost.......
PLEASE DONT LOOK FOR ME!!

Tags: sad, love, depressing, pain, weird,