Bingo!

There was an old lady called Ann Marie Bowes,
She went to real Bingo with people she knows.
She went for the fun, the laughs and the gin,
And now and again, she would have a small win.

But one winter’s night the bus let them all down,
It didn’t turn up, it got stuck in the town.
Ann Marie said to her friends at the shelter,
“Stuff this for a lark, but I know a real belter.

“From now on it’s Free Bingo, and online to boot,
All snug and so warm and I’ve heard chat’s a hoot. 
So, me ole mates, are you with me or what?”
She said to her friends, but they all replied, ‘Not!’

But Anne Marie shrugged and just said, “Suit yourself,
But stuck ‘ere in the cold is no good for me ‘elf.
Free Bingo or summat, and I think its UK,
At least I do think that’s what our Elsie did say.”

The very next day Ann Marie she was sorted,
Her PC and screen and a dongle all boughted.
Plugged in and all set and Free Bingo was loaded,
But Anne Marie found by her hubby was goaded.

“My god, me old lass, you are gone 86!
Computos and Blueband are a young person’s tricks!
And may I remind you its now half past five,
No brekky or dinner, I’m surprised I’m alive!”

“There’s bread and there’s ice cream, and . . . Bingo!!
Yelled Annie, a hell of a noise from a very old Granny.
Hubby he guessed he would not get his tea,
“Apart from the bread and the ice cream”, sighed he.

“But I know my old Mrs, a fad this will be, 
And sure come tomorrow, we’ll have dinner and tea.”
But tomorrow it came, Annie back on the compy,
Hubby by now he was wretchedly chompy.

All week this went on, Annie stuck to her seat,
And chatting to others from Nairn to Longleat.
No stops for meals, and no stops for, well…
We won’t mention what, but it caused a bad smell.

And as for old Hubby, now barely alive,
He now rued the day the bus failed to arrive.
But then he did think and then gave a big grin,
He knew a way to bring end to this sin.

“Hello there,” said hubby, one day on the phone.
And to TV producers he did moan and did groan.
The old man gave researcher such tales of such woe,
that he and his Mrs were asked on to the show.

A few weeks went by and although such a strain,
Ann Marie bustled right onto the train.
With hubby there too, they then made their way,
To a place which gave hope for all people this way.

But when they arrived at the place for the session,
A nervous young girl at the gates kept them guessin’.
But soon she decided on next course of action,
And lied, ‘It’s all cancelled - erm, he’s had to have traction!”

So sad and forlorn was old Hubby to see,
As they made their way home, to a house with no tea.
But Ann Marie grinned although quiet as a mouse,
But only until it was time to call, “House!”

Thinner and thinner her hubby did fare,
He even began to lose clumps of his hair.
But do did Annie, but here’s the rub,
She just didn’t care about housework or grub.

Come Sunday morning, the paper pushed through,
Hubby he struggled to hallway to view.
And then he just couldn’t believe his own eyes,
And said about headlines – “ . . . These must be just lies. . . ?”

“…National celeb’ has been rushed to a clinic
He’s known as an honest but straight talking cynic.”
“But he’s now so obsessed”, said a reliable source,
“It started last month, and it has gripped him with force.

“He played online bingo, to appease his own sponsor,
And said, “Won’t be long; just a quickie - a oncer”
But fatal those words, he must surely be heaving
And now he shouts ‘Bingo!”,  as he’s basket weaving…”

“I’m doomed!” said old Hubby, whose last chance had gone,
As he decided to now leave his old lady so gone.
He summoned the strength then to walk out the door,
Along up the path, but then saw on the floor. . . .

Old Jack and Old Tommy, their neighbours for years,
Now dead in the road, which did bring Hubs to tears.
Further along old Meredith Lane,
Old Bill and old Ken, now well out of pain.

“And to think all their wives who I am sure all did swear,
That night when the bus never came,
Not to join in with my Annie’s idea,
Ooh blimey, My Annie’s to blame!”

“But - then again - maybe not,” mused old Hubby
And who finally gave a wry smile.
“It’s that show - with its sponsors – the one we applied for, 
Presented by . . . . . .    . . . .  “

Tags: humor, rhyme,