Filet of Soul

I try to get better, but to no avail.
I’d purchase a soul, but none are for sale.
To reason away, all the horrible dread,
Just does not work, it remains in my head.

I cannot see the line, and don’t know where to cross,
I don’t know what I have, which lessens my loss.
Will I ever be free, will I ever feel better?
Can I borrow your key, or do I write my last letter?

So much to feel, so little to say,
If soon I don’t heal, get out of my way.
I desire what is best, including one and all,
Get this off of my chest, and try not to stall.

Tomorrow isn’t real, there is only today,
But why when I feel, is there so much dismay?
Just want to feel love, and happiness as well,
When push comes to shove, I descend into hell.

Falling and falling, with no end in sight,
To this nightmare I live, exhausting plight.
I’m sorry for who I am, what else can I say?
Hoping for recovery, holding my demons at bay.

When the sun gives us heat,  I turn it to toil,
Life offers flowers, but I ruin the soil.
Too much thinking, when will it stop?
No use for drinking, not one lousy drop.


Breathe in, breathe out, instructions indeed,
Spoken, no doubt, by a man who’s been freed.
Freed from this hell, from this infernal state,
Again, where’s the key, as I stand and I wait.

Love me please, and without condition,
Peace in my mind, is my grandiose mission.
The hurt lasts forever, with anguish intense,
Like being denied life, in an unholy sense.

Not worthy of joy, not worthy of breath,
Since I was a little boy, almost waiting for death.
Help me if you can, to at least understand,
What curse I have received, origin to this brand?

What must I do, to have my voice heard,
Please recognize my plea, it is in every word. 
On and on, but will anyone ever listen,
Oblivious to nature, how drops of dew glisten.

Animals cannot smile, but they love even more,
Than humans, I know, and they do not keep score.
Judgment is not found in nature, for reasons unknown,
The harvest arrives on time, after seeds have been sown.

Animals do not scar each other, and that is for sure,
But sad is the human condition, not one who is pure.
Worst beast ever created, the creature known as man,
Yet he gets to live longer, than animal generations span.


Something is wrong, something is very amiss,
Why suffering and pain, supersede any bliss.
We tell ourselves a higher power is in control,
But I’m not so sure, since life takes such a toll.

Smile, some say, things could always be worse,
But blindly they speak, for they don’t know this curse.
The brain can take good, and interpret it as bad,
Like enjoying a reward, one that you never even had.

Rambling of a lunatic, my accusers might say,
But life sure is tough, when all blends to gray.
Show me the light, and I’ll show you the dark,
Tell me to drive, and I’ll throw it in park.

No one ever knows, what lurks behind our eyes,
An innocent child, or just a brilliant disguise? 
    

 
 

Tags: depressing, deep, pain, dark, imagery,