Entry #1
Sometimes I just feel the need to write. To express all of the nothings and somethings and wanna-be-problems that have been weighing me down and poking toothpick knives into my brain. I've decided that it would be better to put them on the internet. Poetic, right? You can read about my mangled mentality and feel better about yours. That might be why I'm doing it, to give forward to the masses, my pain an inspiration to all who read. I also might be doing this to get attention, a spoiled child wanting nothing praise and admiration for "being so strong" and seeming so normal even through all of my monstrously horrid thoughts. I'm not though. Why? Because you don't know me. That's why chose this forum. That's why I chose this name. "Scarlette Rayne" (and it is pronounced Rain). Cute. Right? So this forum has become a personal diary. And this entry, a prologue and rule book to personal journal that you have begun reading. I encourage you to leave insightful comments and deep meaningful quotes for me to touch on in the up in coming entries. With that being said, lets continue into recesses of my mind......
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So today i watched the movie To The Bone. The one about a girl who is anorexic and doesn't want to get over it. I loved the honesty of the show. How real it was. I haven't had to deal with anything as terrible as the things that go on in the movie, but it felt like one of the most honest things I've encountered in a long time. I mean I really enjoyed watching this. When one girl loses her baby, it almost felt like the world was closing in on ME. I immediately fell in love with the song Water by James Garrett and that was probably because it was my favorite scene, with Lucas dancing in this out-of-world-experience rain room. I found it to be beautiful. And sad. The idea of something so beautiful and beloved ripped from his hands. I wish there was more though. He fell in love with Eli, and when the only thing he had to live for, dancing, metaphorically died, he turned to Eli, who, in turn, left. When she finally returned, there was no evidence of him. That was upsetting. Maybe I had had hoped for more of a story line. More romance. At least a sign that he was still alive, even though the only thing he had to live for was a girl that walked out on him in his hour of need. Like, what if something happened! I was much more intent on Lucas and his life than the actual story line. Is it weird that I really feel the need to discuss stuff like this with someone. Anyone. To the point that I wouldn't even care if it was a 60 year old man with a beer gut and fetish for teenagers that was pretending to be a cool guy who's into poetry and cult horror films. I mean, as long as they were insightful enough to listen and respond like they cared. It's not like I would give them my photo or my social security number or something. I would just vent to them until they realized that I was to deep to kidnap or something and just start ignoring me. Is that weird? I mean, like, no one is going to listen to me and understand anything here, where I live. Ugh. Just Ugh. Like, Jesus. Hmmm. I guess that's it for today.
Signing off...
Scarlette Rayne
