I heard that bravery was admitting that deep down inside of yourself you are hurting I don’t feel very brave Maybe it’s a ghost or just myself again torturing me with something that isn’t there The ravens keep eyeing my captured body But I guess I’ll just say it I don’t feel like I belong I am surrounded by people who love me I have more friends than I have had in a long time I miss them when they are gone They all make me feel happy inside I don’t think I could ever replace them I have their backs and they have mine I heard it stems from not believing in yourself But I do believe a lot in myself I believe I can make people happy I believe I am unique I believe that there’s a life set out before me I believe I can do things others can’t I don’t feel like I belong If it’s not inwards it’s outwards It must be my friends and family that must make me feel this way That’s a lie That will maybe give me my next fix for about a week I know it’s me that is broken I’m used to being broken Sometimes I lay down in my bed I keep warm with the sheets over my body I feel my soul sink into the depths of earth I just feel this deep foreboding presence of hollowness Entangled in this stupid idea that I cannot logically prove The answer that escapes my grasp Maybe it’s because in my nature I want to make everyone happy And to do that I know I hide away myself Put on the jester’s costume Make sure they don’t weep Make the pain go away Because I’ve failed to do that within myself I let myself out recently in front of someone Someone I felt a connection with Someone I loved I let her see me because she was the most important thing to me See that deep down I am filled with an overbearing mixture of love and happiness and terrifying sorrow That’s when she ran She even told me I was too much And so I went back into hiding Let myself live within just me I don’t feel like I belong I know it’s been hurting me for a long time I know it started when I was a kid I don’t know where to run I don’t know where to go The road seems endless How do you find something that’s not there? Why can’t I shake this off like it’s nothing? Will there be a release? Does anyone know? I don’t feel like I belong This is totally stupid I shouldn’t be feeling this I don’t know what is wrong with me I don’t know why I can’t see anything I am blind to solution People often go to rehabilitation facilities for disorders Maybe there is a place where I won’t feel bad for being who I am But I know that being myself has the chance of making other people feel some sort of sorrow And I am a tsunami waiting to wash away everything These floodgates feel pain Is it wrong to want to make other people happy? I’m scared to try I scare people away with myself I don’t want to be alone Life is perfect right now I am not perfect Perhaps that kills me Perhaps I am nowhere Be yourself I’ve scared someone very important to me away by doing that Don’t be yourself That scares me I don’t feel like I belong I don’t even feel comfortable with myself I’m scared of what others think about me I feel I can’t meet their expectations I can’t meet society’s expectations And why should I care? Because I love people I love everyone I stupidly want to make them all happy and expect nothing else I don’t feel like I belong I could review who I am I do review who I am Every night Every day Maybe I am a masochist Someone who enjoys this I don’t want your pity Please forgive me I believe I have a deeper pool of emotion than the average person I want to be effeminate I can’t belong to a culture I am alone People say they have your back I am afraid I don’t have my front I am an open fire Ready to be doused I don’t feel like I belong