poem by: Darryl Ashton
Written on Dec 23, 2017

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house,
The only things stirring were 
the cat and a mouse.

Then up on the roof came a
loud hefty thump,
The cat gave a yelp and the
mouse gave a jump.

Then in through the hall 
came old Santa in person,
But he looked rather odd, 
so I wasn't too certain.

Instead of a suit made of 
white fur and red,
He looked like a rainbow
from toe up to head.

His boots were bright
yellow and polished up
If I'd switched off the
lamp you'd have plenty 
of light.

Each trouser leg different,
one was a nice green,
The other was orange, 
somewhat like a Heinz

His jacket was all colours,
as if Santa's valet,
Had used it to wipe up a
full painter's palette.

He explained, 'It's that new
kind of felt-tip pen maker,
The chap who sold it was
a charming old faker. 

'Then we put in the ink, it
broke under the strain.
And the colours came down
like a shower of rain.

'If you happen to think 
that I'm a right mess,
The reindeer are patterned
like a polka dot dress.'

I couldn't leave Santa in
such a poor state,
The kids would be frightened,
so they had to wait,

I scrubbed him with Persil
with vigour and Vim,
With Flash, Fairy, Ariel, I
near poisoned him.

I tried all the cleaners I had
in the cupboard,
And when all those failed,
some three-day-old custard.

But finally turpentine, with
a good slug of gin.
Really cleaned up old Santa,
and the reindeer's odd skin.

'You must have a reward,'
said the grateful old chap.
'If my reindeer had hands,
they'd all give you a clap.

'So say what you'd like, as
a gift to say thanks,
But I'm a bit short of cash,
as I don't use banks.'

I thought and I asked for
a washing machine,
Where the clothes come
out folded, ready ironed
and clean.

In a blink of an eye the
machine was plumbed in,
'It's a very fair swap,' he
said with a grin.

'The next time my felt-tip
thingamajig goes awry,
I know where to come for
a quick wash and dry.'

But I laughed as he went
on his gift-giving way,
In his kaleidoscopic, 
multi-hued' hight-powered-



Tags: Rhyme, Humor, Happy,


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