Commando Caterig

poem by: Paddy Clegg
Written on Dec 02, 2017

When I got my tea it wasn’t what I expected
What I thought was cooked was more like neglected
I’ve seen better chips on a carpenters’ floor
I bet even Oliver would not ask for more

I was given a thing I thought was a bun
It was a jacket potato so over-done
The inside was squishy beyond recognition
My refusal to eat it was pure intuition

The tuna pasta was only half baked
The cauliflower cheese so obviously faked
Mashed spuds or paste? I can’t decide which
And the rice on my plate just makes me itch

Sandwiches seem to be a staple food
And the vegetables have a bad attitude
The yoghurts we get are so out of date
They’ve begun to taste like carbonate

The peas are so wrinkled they each have a face
Their once proud existence is now a disgrace
I feel real sorry for the peeled plum tomatoes
They look like they’re in their final death throws

If you’re after nutrition then swallow a pill
Too much of this fodder can make you ill
Some of our meals are hard to ignore
They look like they have been eaten before

On seeing the salad I got really upset
But would only eat one if it was part of a bet
My stomach rumbles most days and all night
And only with bravery can I take a bite

I deserve a medal in the form of nutrition
My weekly diet is a war of attrition
Seeing is believing and consumption a dare
You don’t know man; you wasn’t there


Tags: Rhyme, Beat, Weird,


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