Forgive and Forget
You know I come from a family that is just insanely different
in my family, you don’t talk about your feelings or even acknowledge them
if someone wrongs you, you just forget them and cut them out of your life
if someone wrongs you, you smoke some weed and move on with your life.
they are always pretending
wearing their little mask of fake happiness
while deep inside they are crying
and slowly dying
but to them that’s all ok!
my mother says it’s been 20 years son, it’s time to move on
like it’s so easy to do. like you can just stop having emotions and feelings every day.
in my family, we are told to forgive and forget
pretend it never happened
but I can’t do that
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because I relive them every single night
I can not forget the things you did to me
because I can still hear my brother crying out in pain as you beat him in his room
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because at 13 I was diagnosed with chronic depression and PTSD
and every single day I would come home and go to my room and sit there by myself, staring at a screen wishing I had a different life.
I can not forget he things you did to me
because by 14 I had attempted 4 times
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because you act like mental illness isn’t real
I can not forget these things you did to me
because I still wear the scars
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because you made a 11-year-old boy want to die
I can not forget the things you did to me
because you destroyed my family
I can not forgive the things you did to me
even to this day it’s still all too real
I can not forget the things you did to me
because every day I look in the mirror and see you and want to die
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because when I came home crying you told me to just get tough
I can not forget the things you did to me
because the jokes you said about childhood me weren’t really jokes
I can not forget the things you did to me
because of you destroying my safe space
I can not forgive the things you did to me
because they are happening to this day
I can not forget these things
because when I came to you for help and safety you just made it worse
I can not forgive these things
Because you allowed me to lock myself in
I can not forget these things
Because you made me seek love and acceptation else where
I can not forgive these things
Because I got sexually assaulted and you made it out that I was just being weird
I can not forget these things
Because when I told you who I really am you locked me in a padded room
I can not forgive these things
because I haven’t FUCKING forgot
I will not forget these things you did to me
because they have taught me who I am
I will not forgive these things you did to me
because even after 20 years I am scared of you
I can not forgive these things you did to me
because of them I will be a better man
Maybe one day I will heal, but I will never
forget or forgive these things