WEARING A HAT IN CHURCH....IT'S A CAPITAL OFFENCE

poem by: Darryl Ashton
Written on Sep 10, 2017

The visitor was a scoundrel,
A bounder and a cad,
And his dreadfully crass
behaviour
Drove our congregration
mad.


He hadn't pinched the
alter silver,
His sins, were far, far
worse;
There he was, as large
as life,
Wearing a cap inside 
our church!


What's more, he wore 
it back to front,
The way that jockeys do.
But jockeys sit on 
racehorses,
And he was sitting in 
our pew.


He had come to hear
his banns read - 
His first visit since
Sunday School - 
And thought a cap
worn back-to-front,
Made him look especially
cool.


But ignorance is no
excuse,
When we're the judge
and jury,
And the wearing of
any headgear,
Sparked the 
congregration's fury.


Some said he should
be shot at dawn,
Others said: 'Give him
the birch' - 
No punishment is
severe enough,
For wearing a cap
inside a church.


'Love your neighbour
as yourself,'
May be commandment
number two,
But only if our 
neighbour's,
Conform exactly to
what we do.


For we bareheaded 
worshipers,
Are forgiven for all
our sins, at whim,
But forgiveness does
not apply,
To cap wearers such
as him.


So to be a perfect
Christian,
And ensure that you
go to heaven,
Don't sit in someone
else's pew,
Or break commandment
number 11.


Commandment 11, you
might ask,
Which commandment's
that?
Well that's the Lord's
unwritten one;
'Thou shalt never wear
a hat.'


BY
DARRYL ASHTON 

  

 

Tags: Humor, Faith,

Add Comment


Geoffrey Brewer commented on Sep 10, 2017 at 3:10pm
Quite right! We must uphold standards. Of course, ladies must wear hats in church, and should never be seen bare - headed or anything else. A delightful humorous poem. Well written, Darryl.
Rachel Cartwright commented on Sep 11, 2017 at 7:00am
Very well written poem! It does well describing a problem in some of our churches today. It's too bad that some Christians create their own rules and regulations based off their culture that don't even exist in the Bible and judge someone if they don't abide by it. They are totally not loving their neighbor as themselves even though that is the most important thing... Anyway great write!
Rhys Aquinas commented on Nov 06, 2017 at 5:17pm
Loved this poem. Very funny but does highlight issues of extreme schism where people create their own rules regardless of what is already declared and written.

 

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