To Hell With Mister Nice Guy

I know a lot of women, boy do I know them.
The amount of secrets they tell me over and over again.
From Christian Grey being their dream man,
To that bitch down the road called Jan.

This is the problem with me, being Mister Nice Guy.
Always the one to be there for you when your luck says “Bye!”
Is that you’ll always see me as some sort of gay best friend,
From now until the living end.

Now, I’m not one to do this, here comes the rant,
About the things you say that make my head slightly slant.
“Oh you’re so lovely, why can’t other guys be like you?”
Pardon me, but I’m a guy like me, will I do?

“Oh no, I’m not looking for a relationship, as I just broke up with my fella”,
“He was a total dick, he hit me, shagged my sister and ate all my Nutella!”
“But I’m so lucky to have you in my life, you’re the perfect guy”,
“I hope we can stay friends up until the day we both die”.

Five hours later I see you you’ve changed your Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’,
With the guy from the pub who never wants a relation…SHIT!!!
Why the hell would you say that you don’t want a relationship to me,
And clearly go fucking this douchebag, is it because his penis reaches his knee?

So, here I am hanging up my retirement forever to the world,
Mister Nice Guy is leaving before he’s ready to explode.
I’m sick and tired of being there when you’re a wreck and need help to pick up the pieces,
But instead I feel like your dog, a plaything at your leisure, with toys, bones, muzzles and leashes.

Why do you say you want a nice, caring, loving guy but not accept the guy when he gives just that?
Instead you go for the complete opposite and end up screwing that lying conniving twat!
Stop contradicting yourselves ladies, it’s not doing you any favours.
You have your dream man at home, but now you can screw him doing your labours.

Too long have I been the good honest working man with a heart of gold,
The bad boy image seems to get me places, even if the move isn’t very bold.
But it might get me some action at last, especially since I’ve not seen any for three years,
And it’s apparent I’m not that attractive to women, even in a pin stripe suit and six packs of beer.

There are nice guys out there girls, and they are a dying race,
And they will be there for you, even if you’re shagging all over the place.
But there will come a time when the nice guy dies and so will your lucky four leaf clover,
We not gonna always be there for you until you realise we love you. Rant over.

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