Beautiful Mind

Why can't I be like normal typical girls? 
Oblivious and so damn naive to the world.
Why was I cursed with all these issues? 
It's fucked up only when you're gone people miss you.
Every time I think I'm getting better I get hit twice as hard.
It's no wonder none of my relationships go far.
Mental illness is something so many can't comprehend.
It's not us it's our demons that want our life to end.
I take the good days for granted the few that I have.
When the darkness comes back everyday is bad.
All it takes is one bad trigger and I'm fucked.
I wonder all the time why people have to suck.
Why can't people get that I'm not your average chick.
I have serious issues, I am mentally sick.
That's why it's best I stick to only myself.
The pain that hits is worse then the worse physical pain you have felt. 
Maybe one day someone will understand my demons.
At this point I'm numb to people leavin.
I can't help but wonder why every time I survived.
All those times I tried to take my own life.
The difference now I'm becoming comfortable to being alone.
It sucks but my darkness has become home.
It's the only time I really get to feel something.
I have felt so much pain that I became numb to everything.
But when my demons are triggered that's a different story.
I freak out and always end up too many times saying sorry.
I over think and question anything that is said.
It's not as frequent but yes sometimes I wish I was dead.
See people freak out at the thought of suicide.
But with someone like me it's a natural feeling I won't hide.
Death does not scare me living does.
Yes I know my thinking is very fucked.
The only thing that scares me is not living a fulfilled life.
Having a family and even becoming someone's wife.
Thoughts on the future are not ideal for people like me.
Only day to day living is what I can see.
Getting out of bed is a real goal for me.
I been strong but I'm sure again I will cause myself to bleed.
I know this is all temporary and it will pass.
But in the moment it feels like it will forever last.
I don't mean to cause concern I will be fine.
This is what happens when you have a beautiful but deadly mind.

Tags: sad, depressing, deep, pain, dark,