Tick-Tock the Critical Clock

Tick Tock, the Grandfather clock,
Was made in the Second World War.
But one night in the Blitz; the shop blown to bits;
Tick Tock it was heard of no more.

But then in the 50s the rubble was cleared;
Tick Tock was unearthed and restored.
But something had happened, no chimes on the hour;
But Tick Tock it did something much more.

As each proud new owner did take Tick Tock home,
To stand at the end of the hall.
The clock it would make such a terrible din,
Insulting all those who did call.

‘Oh, here's your mother, the wizened old hag;
More lines on her face than Crewe Junction.
And here is your Dad; oh, isn't it sad?
He's so old I'm surprised he can function.’

Tick Tock, the critical clock;
Has never been fussed about time.
Tick Tock, the critical clock,
Will make you so late it's a crime.

Tick lock, the critical clock;
No chime or a bell to be heard.
Tick lock, the critical clock,
Always will have the last word.

‘Oh, that's your game; you're all off to bed,
To leave me alone in the dark.
Never a thought for the clock you have bought;
I may as well sleep in the park.’
 
Tick Tock, the critical clock,
Can never be tricked without fuss.
If you take him and dump him right in the next county,
He just comes straight home on the bus.

Tick Tock, the critical clock;
Once bought then it’s death do us part.
But when that day beckons, the clock it then reckons,
It's time to go off in the cart.

Tick Tock, the critical clock,
Did find himself back up for sale.
In breezed an old major, all tweedy and bristly,
And who then spoke all hearty and hale.

"By gad, it's the ticket, a clock for all seasons!
A clock for a saint or a sinner!
'Though I'll make a few changes, a fresh lick of paint,
It will bong for both tiffin and dinner!"

Tick Tock, the critical clock
Did say nowt by way of retort;
But duly decided his next course of action;
A lesson would have to be taught.

Chillington-Hacket, Major-Retired,
Did pay the old man what was due.
"Best thing I've bought, for many a year;
I'll soon have my friends round to view!"

Tick Tock, the critical clock,
Was aghast at the mooted attention.
He quickly decided to now show his hand;
To make known his cast iron abstention.

Tick Tock, the critical clock;
One chance on his future he took.
"Schnell und Achtung! Und Donner und Blitzen!
Der Dummkopf alte mann ist verrackt!!"

Chillington-Hacket was glued to the spot;
He then really felt just like crying.
"By gad, the thing's German, how stupid of me;
If only I'd checked before buying,"

Tick Tock, the critical clock,
And the major, now strangely as one.
As the major did try to sell the clock back,
The man shook his head and was gone.

If you call in at old Mannington Manor,
You'll sure come away with a smile.
For you're bound to pass by old Tick Tock in the Hall,
Who'll regale you with a. . . .

‘Sieg Heil!!’

Tags: humor, rhyme,