A SEXIST CONVERSATION IN THE TRENCHES

poem by: Darryl Ashton
Written on Jul 12, 2016

Private:
It's a tight fit in this
ere' trench, sir,  
And I've no rollers 
for my hair.
My name is Chesty
Morgan, sir, but now
its all a blur. 
I do this job cos
I care, sir. I do it
cos I care, sir. 

Captain:
Your a woman, I
assume, but why
are you here?
Shouldn't you be
in the office, instead
of shedding a tear?
Have you been 
through training, gal,
can you handle a
gun?
Or, have you been
a good girl, and 
been a convent nun?

Private:
But the rules have
now changed, sir,
And the rules say I
must not swear.
I can use a rifle,
sir, I use it cos I
care.
I can handle a 
rifle sir, but I
need to do my 
hair.

Captain:
A woman on the
front line, who's
idea was that?
We can't have a
woman fighting,
she's probably too
fat.
She should be 
home having babies,
and cooking and
cleaning.
Do you understand,
me, do you get my
meaning? 

Private:
But, I will show you
I can fight, sir, I
will prove and pass
the test.
I only have one small
issue, sir, I have a 
forty inch chest!
Sir, you have to 
take a chance, sir,
you have to show
some trust.
I cannot help it,
sir, if I have a great
big bust!

Captain:
Can you use a rifle,
then, can you fire a 
gun?
I hope your boobs
and all won't affect
you when you run.
I'd love to be there
with you, if you get
my drift.
I could quite easily
give you a groping' 
fireman's lift.

Private:
I find that very 
offensive, sir, and
you are a sexist pig.
I am a sexy woman, 
sir, I do a good pelvic
gig!  
Next time you make
a comment, sir, you
must be "politically 
correct", sir.
This is the British
Army, sir, now, I
have to wash my
hair!

Captain:
Wash your bloody, 
hair, girl, you're on
the front line, still.
If you feel any pain,
you'll have to take 
a pill.
Listen, Chesty Morgan; 
would you like some 
advice, girl, would you
like some advice?
Next time you stand
up, just shout - and
I'll look twice! 

Private:
But I won my court
case, sir, I won it
fair and square.
Now I get 
compensated for
not washing my 
scraggy hair.
My boobs aren't an
issue, sir, as said 
in a court of law.
"Now who is smiling,
sir, my boobs did
win the war!"   


BY
DARRYL ASHTON

 

Tags: humor,

 

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