my bad habit is back

poem by: Melissa Blan
Written on May 26, 2016

At first it was only one..
Just so I can remember the feeling..
But then one turned to two..
Two turned to three..
As they keep on bleeding..
I keep on cutting..
Thinking the deeper I got..
The better I'll feel..
Five turns to ten..
The blood falls of the razor and rolls down my legs..
I think only one more..
One more and I'm done..
But I'm already at twenty..
Thinking bout twenty-one..
So many cuts on my leg..
So many scars opened again..
Cut go left and right..
Up and down..
New cuts cover the old ones..
Thirty doesn't seem like lots on my leg..
So I'll continue..
Till all I see it blood and no more skin..
I'm still crying and I still want more..
Forty going on fifty..
Going deeper by the cut..
Trying not to think of anything..
But everything is crashing down..
As fast as the blood rolling down my leg..
Sixty cuts and still going..
Already so much blood and I still have more to bleed out..
Seventy and I'm starting to go slower..
My hands shake more and more..
My leg spaze at the pain..
The blood dripping all over my bed..
Eighty and there's still so much blood dripping..
I'm still think only one more and I'll stop..
But finally when a hundred have been made.. 
I stop..
Look at them and cry..
I'm sorry mom..
I'm sorry dad..
I'm sorry love..
I'm sorry friends..
I said I would quit but my bad habit came back..
I've cut once again..
I'm sorry..




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